ASR: B14: Chapter 2: Sometimes We Get Cornered By People To Be Who They See Us As
When I first discover my abilities are considered “gifts”. I was ecstatic that finally there are people out there who see it “positively” as a blessing. Instead of the “curse” that I was taught to see it as. It was a surprisingly good feeling to discover that the biggest flaws I see in myself — that other, in my life see in me…are not so much flaws, as they are great gifts. Yes, it felt good. Until I realize with bittersweet bewilderment, that my “gifts” does not work the way others have experienced it.
My moment of unity, acceptance, and belonging. Quickly passes to be coated over by panic and denial, as I realize the puzzle just became more complex as it clarifies. Now there are more answers. But new questions arise with an even harder quest. After discovering that fact, I was not sure I want to know anymore.
My whole life feels like an endless quest. Shadowed in mysteries, with impossible answers I thought I would never find. I paid highly for each answer until now. Looking forward, while being traumatized by past experiences, and bombarded by daily lessons. I shudder at the thought of the strength I would need. But do not think I have, for the next phrase of my existence here on this plane.
How do you give up everything you have ever known? Have ever been taught to want. Have ever hoped for — in exchange for something that you cannot be sure exist outside of your thoughts? Something so beyond anything that you can imagine. But then again, when you live a life as surreal as mine; necessity of actions takes president to want and hope.
Growing up, it was hard to see my “gifts” as blessings. Especially, when I am faced with the frustrating reality of having cosmic guardians. Guardians who can do what no physical parents can do. A simple date is not a big deal to most other people. But for someone with cosmic guardians, if your choice is not approved.
Then everything in your life and within your path — Is game to be messages to signal the disapproval. Computers, brand new phones, cars, streetlights, house, and even the lives of others. Can be turn upside-down-and-inside-out — just to make a point. Can you imagine someone who is taught all their life, that mystical powers do not exist? Yet, experiences the total opposite of that at every turn.
I do not have to imagine it, I live it. There are times I feel my life is crazier and more amazing than any fantasy book, or movies I have ever read or seen. Once the frustrations, disappointments, and sometimes agonizing heartbreaks are over. I am often perplexed — yet, amused by the outrageousness of my situations. It is surreal and hilariously funny to look back and be blown away by the surrealism of all that happened.
Sometimes things get so bad, that I stopped feeling frustrated, upsets, or hurt by it. Instead, I learn to see things as is. Accept it, as is — and ride the waves as it comes. To disassociate myself from my expectations of it. To be thankful for life and its unique experiences. To find humor and gratitude in my situations and current circumstances, as it plays out. I mean come on. There are only so many “coincidences” that can happen to a person in a short span of a few hours, right? I mean it is one thing that your phones freezes. Or die when you want to send a message to your love-interest.
Another, when you are at a friend’s house on a perfectly nice day — and the electricity in the whole house suddenly went off for no reason. Just because you borrow her computer to return an email. Because your brand-new phones suddenly stopped working. (What are the chances that a brand-new out of the box, latest model of iPhone. Keep dying or freezing for no reasons — 4 times straight out of their boxes?)
Or the cake: You convince yourself that all those “coincidences” are just that — your imagination. Then just hours before you head out to your date. Despite the voice of warning at the back of your head. Or the “knowing” and “sick” feeling in your gut — as you defy and deny what you know. Even up to the last minute, you tell yourself. There is no way that everything you know can be real. Even with the bizarre sequences of events happening. You convinced yourself, it is just your “imagination”.
The events are just you…being “careless”. Not some supernatural cosmic forces at play. There are no such things as a cosmic force governing a life of a “nobody.” At least that strongly and undeniably. So, convinced you pushed everything you know down into a little box and sealed it. Then end up in a car accident that spin your car 360 degree — three lanes across the expressway. To end up facing backward from traffic — Right in front of a giant water tower, with large-printed letters of the town’s name…that happens to be the same as your soon to be date.
“Coincidences” like this happens all the time to people — right? But what are the chances that something with this level of craziness also happen to every intended date — before and after? Can it still be considered “coincidences”? Well, for me it can, because I have no other explanation at the time for it. (😊)
Whenever I tried to tell someone my circumstances — my restrictions that they do not have. Tried to express and explain what I know. Or suspected — are the causes of the calamity in my life, to get help or support. Or just to vent my frustrations and confusion about what was happening in my life. So that someone, anyone — can help me understand and direct me to solutions.
People would laugh at me, get mad at me for having a “great imagination”. Or accused me of being “negative” or “dramatic” — For being mindful and aware of the details of my situations. Insisted, that the events are mere “coincidences”. Therefore, I am making something out of nothing. They do not know how frustrating it can be — to be constantly told so.
Seriously, how often does Canada’s two largest telecommunication networks goes down at the same time — At the exact time you needed to desperately make an important call? Or to be extra prepared for an important business call, by having new pens. Double checking — triple checking that they were full of ink and working — only to have them become “inkless” at the most critical moment. Then, like a smack in the face, when that moment was over — It suddenly…miraculously become full of ink again. Or to wait in line for 8 hours, only to find out when your turn came up the system was down — all the way to the mainframe.
Also, have you ever been ticketed for parking even though you bought a ticket? Because like some freaky — or hilariously bad cosmic joke. On a windless day, your parking ticket somehow flipped over on its own as you closed the door. Or have a perfectly working butane stove, that has been working for everyone else. But as soon as it was your turn in line, it blew-up in your face — without any trigger. I mean, just touching your spatula to the same pan — everyone, before you have been using to cook their eggs — Could not have been a trigger, right?
I would understand if I was playing around with the “on” or “off” button. Or touch any other parts, thus messed with it somehow. But seriously? At a single touch of a spatula and the whole thing blew-up in my face and burnt down a whole gazebo? Or another cake to my life: have you ever had a reputable car rental company — switches cars for you 4 times in less than 72 hours or so. I was told by the very kind and very apologetic manager after the 4th switches. That he was in the business for over 10 years and has never come across such a bizarre case.
You see my point now, right? (L.O.L) Who do I blame for such events? Why am I being blame for it? Sitting in a bus size van, in a disability parking spot doing nothing. Yet, I can be involved in a hit and run accident — what am I to do? My life is full of those bizarre events, to teach me to be mindful and aware. To teach me the arts of discipline and patient. To teach me to be kind, open, and compassionate when it comes to other people’s hardship. Being so lost back then within a world that I am told is mine — but is totally alien to me. I did not know how to belong. How to conduct myself, how to express myself, how to protect myself against unfounded accusations, labels, and blames placed upon me
I wanted to believe I have control. Wanted to believe all that I am taught by the people in my orbit, so I can belong. I even accepted the unfair accusations, accepted the labels, and the blames. I tried to ignore what I know to be true, that makes me so utterly different from everyone I have ever known. It is not like “standing out” and being “different.” Is something I am taught is “a good thing” — I want to embrace. Not like being able to see and experiences the world differently than everyone else. Has resulted in “obvious” rewards and wins for me either. So, why would I create, attracts, or manifest those experiences against my will?
Especially, if it is one of the main reasons that causes me endless pain, frustration, and hardship. Who in their right mind would want to manifest this kind of frustrations in their life? The fact that I did not know it was happening until I started to notice the pattern — after like the 6th times. Because I can be that cluelessly dense (or blocked or overwhelmed by other lessons). Testify that I did not manifest those events — intentionally or not.
Also, now that I know better how to understand my situation, how to express, and communicate myself. I can safely testify for myself by saying, “I was not ‘negative’, that was why I ‘attracted’ all those events.” The reasons “bad” things keep happening to me — is because I needed those lessons. Therefore, they are designed to happen. Not because of the mis-taught notions that I must “deserve” it somehow, because I am a “negative” person. Or that I did something “wrong” to attract those “karmas”.
Being a highly “spiritual” individual. I do not identify nor define the terms of life by “negative” or “positive” aspects. It was always something I understand. Therefore, I accept it, as is. Or I do not understand. Therefore, trying to find a way to understand it. So, I can accept it — or at least not allow it to affect me. I am a super happy and accepting individual. But was forced to bury that person deeply beneath the image of a “negative” person, that I was labelled and accused off. To be align with what other choose to identify with.
The insistence labeling, accusing, and blaming me for things that are outside my control — is the result of lack of understanding of what people are seeing right in front of them. Of shortcut “wisdoms” and teachings, of old templates that distort their perspectives. Therefore, force them to react in such a manner to stay aligned with what they cannot understand or accept. To be comfortable, they choose to stay with what is “safe” and familiar. Like all the identified notions we live our life by, or the defining terms, and concepts we choose to embrace.
In those bizarre events of my life are higher lessons. Lessons that source and my higher teams…carefully…lovingly planned — to show me the flaws in our perspectives. The weaknesses that we choose to bypass. The reasons why we have not ascended as far as we should. The reasons why we keep having to be re-taught lessons again and again.
Yes, I understand now why people reacted in such a manner to me. They are taught to identify and view the world and everything in it by defining factors that they know. Which is not a lot for some. If they cannot explain or understand something — they migrate towards old “wisdoms.” Or distorted sayings borne of the old templates they embrace. Templates that they heavily invested in to view things by. The old templates are such detriments to our evolutions and ascensions journey. Detriments to ourselves and to those we carelessly and mindless use it to accuse them of, label them by — and judge them by.
So, please. Pay attention to your lessons, so you do not have to suffer again and again because of the same lessons being re-taught. Please also, be mindful of the damages you do to others without intending to. If you choose to believe in karma, then know your actions — whether intentionally or not. Big or small — have consequences. So, be mindful of the small moments of your unawareness. So as not to create or destroy wanted and unwanted “karma” in your life.