ASR: B14: Chapter 8: Nothing To Lose. Nothing To Gain. Equal Nothing To Fear.
The freedom that comes with not having wants — is that you got nothing to lose…and nothing to gain. Therefore, nothing to fear…and ALL the wonderful experiences that life can give us.
Now that I can see more of the picture of this puzzle I am trying to piece together. It is funny. How easy it is to finally find the right words and terminology to describe events I was so frustratingly struggling with for years. I have always felt “shut out,” blocked, and “sealed” from knowledge I know is there within my reach inside me. But every time I touch upon the topic…it is as if a cloud of fog formed — to distract me from the thoughts.
Thus, it is hard to ask questions and get some answers when you do not even know what the questions to ask is. It is hard to start when you do not know where to begin. Even harder still to keep asking. When you are purposely distracted and misled to forget the very questions that was just about to be form.
For years, I lived with the frustrating “tip of the tongue” syndrome. I could not explain the solid invisible walls that exist inside my head. Those walls block and barrier the path of my thoughts whenever I wander too closely to the realizations about who I am, and what I am here to do. While in “real life”, my world begins to shake, and extraordinary “problems” would start to manifest out of nowhere to distract me. To monopolize my attentions away from what I was not yet destined to do or ready to know.
Unlike the awakening process that others go through while spiritually awakening for the first time. I am already awake coming into life, but my avatar is not yet ready to be who I came here to be. The world I was born into is not yet ready to accept my avatar. As seen in the way people reacts to me and how I was treated growing up. In Divine Time, it is my time to be here. But in “physical time” it is too early for me to step into my role.
The people of this realm were not ready to hear what they need to hear through my avatar. If I was to step into my power then, they would not allow me to do what I need to do or be who I need to be. Hence, why I was “distracted” by endless lessons and extraordinary experiences to keep me caged within myself. Also, why source and my higher teams have taken extraordinary measures, to make sure I do not forget I am not of this realm. Or meant to be lost forever within this timeline (“life”).
For years I suspected those walls were real, but I tell myself that it was just not possible. When I realized those walls are solid and real, I did not understand why it is there. I grew to resent and become suspicious of it. Now I realize those walls were there to keep me from what I am not supposed to know yet. In order, to give me a chance to be “normal” and learn what it takes to be a peer of this realm — so I can understand better what is needed.
I was kept from knowledge I do know. Because I have not yet lived this physical life enough to have the experiences…and examples — that I would need to illustrate my points. Nor to be able to handle the teaching of higher wisdoms. Especially, to highly intelligent and wise people who are ready to move on. But learned to be skeptic — like myself, due to their experiences with the old templates. Or stand strong my ground against people who will rise to resist the changes to come…because they are afraid to let go of traditional comforts and habits.
Also, I cannot confidently say: I have suffered, have been through, have experienced, and understand first-hand, what some people have been through…If I had known and accepted the natural truth sooner. I could not relate to people in this world if I had not suffered as they have. Had I not suffered as others have. I would not have been able to look pass templated expectations, judgement, and prejudice. To understand compassion, sympathy, and empathy. I would not have been able to forgive and gave acceptances when needed.
Now, because I have years of hardship and pain to utterly understand what some people face. I can now say, I can relate and tell you that I genuinely understand your perspective enough to tell you where you are coming — in short…of the lessons you are trying to learn. Why we are still suffering and have not ascended. Being able to see the world through different sets of perspectives side-by-side. I can tell you my truth about the “why” and “why not”. I can tell you how to make changes and where to make changes. But the question is, do you want change? I know that a lot of people of this world cannot handle changes. Cannot accept even the thoughts of it.
This book is written for those who want changes. Those who are open to learn and can handle the truth about the purpose of life. Those who are ready to take the next step to the next level of ascension. It is not for those who are not ready and still attached to the old templates…and it is O.K. for you to not be ready. But do keep an open mind because it is dangerous to be trapped within yourself. You only get so many tries at passing your exams before you fell a grade or be expelled.
Please understand that I know first-hand, why the old templates are so important to us. Why constants are important to us. But I also know that life is never meant to stand still. It was created to help us move forward. To evolve and ascend. At the beginning of every level — is always hard. At the end of every level — is also always hard. But once you get to the top and stood upon the peak looking down, you will have no regrets. You will not want to change anything. You will appreciate every aspect of your climb to the top and understand — why it must be so.
In a world based upon the freedom of choices to choose a perspective. Accepting “what-is” is a journey all on its own. Unlike so many others, it was harder for me to accept the natural truth at first. This is because my experiences are opposite of what I was taught. Of what I can see in front of me. Of what is templated to be “normal” by traditions and habits. Of what is stigma against. Of what I learned to want and taught I should trust and not trust.
My spiritual “gifts” are what I was taught not to want and trust. Due to the conflicts, it causes in my life. Therefore, if the “synchronicity” theory is real. Then it means our creator and my guardians wanted me to know my “gifts” are genuine. Not something I dream up or want, so I imagined or manifest it into my life. It is as real as the extraordinary events of my life that tells me they are there. That their presences and influences in my life is real too. Not part of my imagination as I was taught by others, as an explanation for what is “wrong” with me.
Knowing how practical, logical, rational, and realistic I can be. Knowing how resourceful and thorough I can be too. If I had any of my experiences under the influences of substances, or any kind of health condition. Such as the near-death experiences that causes other people to see “the light”. Or suddenly start to develop my abilities after recovering from a severe illness.
I would not believe the experiences are genuine. I would conclude that it was a side effect of some drug or my creative imagination getting away from me. Because I am someone who seek to be “normal.” Who have experienced much pain because of my abilities and other people’s reactions to them. I am not a fanatic of being “extraordinary”, “special”, “different”, and do not want to stand out. Because standing out — is the problem for me.
My gifts scares people. They make people feel vulnerable in my presence. My lack of reactions and other “normal” behaviors and gestures re-enforce our differences even more. Because the old templates taught that differences are to be feared and rejected. Therefore, causes people to react to me as they were taught. Thus, with me also not knowing any better. Not knowing how to fix my “awkwardness” and “post” myself. Not knowing how to “blend-in” and be inconspicuous. Therefore, the combination of my awkwardness together with my strange abilities — triggered a lot of bad reactions and experiences. Thus, taught me to fear and resent my abilities. Therefore, any extraordinary experiences that I have had — that have even a “spark” of reasonable doubt that my “gifts” are not real. I will find it.
I will find it and use it as a reason to not believe — simply, because I do not want to believe. Hence, due to how stubborn a skeptic I can become. If there are not enough overwhelming evidence that can exhausted all my doubts. Or the loopholes that I might find — to force my acceptance — I would not admit defeat. Even if I am defeated, I would not have humbly, embrace nor bowed to power I do not respect. With nothing to lose and nothing I want to gain. I had nothing to fear.
Thus, the creator knows the only way I would have believe in all this — would be to have my life happened exactly as it did: Keeping me ignorant and sheltered of the knowledge of its existence — while living the torturous truth of it. Having me repeatedly defines terms I have yet to learn — While isolating me from others like me. So, that I cannot be influenced in any way by them. Those reasons make it hard for me to accept the concept that I could have made it all up.
Another reason my life is designed this way is so that I am free and unbounded by the same weaknesses, limitations, and restrictions of any influences from mentors of this realm. Thus, kept me from being drawn into and trapped by the old templates that I am here to change. The most important reason, however, is that I learn the true higher reasons I am given the gifts. That we are given gifts. Learn its higher limitations and restrictions. Learn the meaning of their true powers, and when to use or not to use…and abuse them just because we have them.
Directly from Source, I am taught the meaning and responsibilities that comes with my gifts. What the restrictions or rules are and why they are in place. Because of my ignorant, I have lived an entire life free to explore the limitations and boundaries of those gifts that I was given. Without the influential fear or limitations taught to me — by ones who came before me, to hold me back. I was able to learn, understands, and respects its true purpose. To be mindful of the true reason why it is given to me and what I am to use it for. To also, know why I must stay grounded and how — to ground myself from becoming lost to the hunger for its possessions.
Yes, I drag my feet while blindly exploring my physical spirituality due to exhaustion. Or sometimes due to pure rebelliousness. But walk the unknown path I must. Sometimes with curiosity, sometimes with pure determination for the challenge to see if I can make it to the end. When I hit walls, and I often do. Being blind to what I was searching for and being curious and too stubborn to give up easily. I often try to beat down those walls that block me from what I want, to see if it would fall.
I have lived a frustrating life of being semi blinded by conflicting visions of what is “reality”. Of knowing there is more to the craziness that is my life. Then what is “obvious” that I was taught by the people in my life to see. The frustrations I felt dictates I explore all leads thoroughly. Thus, when I give up, all options have been explored and exposed to the best of my current abilities. I have reached my limitations and gave my absolute best.
The method that was used by my spiritual guardians and mentors to teach me each lesson I was meant to learn. Is to keep throwing surprises quizzes at me while keeping me caged within my ignorance. Rarely, was I ever brief beforehand on what to expect. I only know that I have a mission to complete and nothing else. Most of the time I feel like I was toss (or blindly stumbled) into a deep pool with the ultimatum: learn to swim or drown — So I learned to swim. If by chance, I do not learn to swim the first time and drowned: I was brought back to life. Then, thrown back into the same pool again and again until I learned to swim…despite my learned fear of water — or death.
Thus, my previous conclusion that my “gifts” are nothing but “curses” stem from this method. I mean, it is a little extreme and does feel like torture initially. But once you survive it and learned the lessons intended. You will be awestruck, blown away, and humbled by how brilliant the design was! This method of learning to first become acquainted to fear, and then forced to face those fears head-on to overcome it — tested my ultimate capabilities. Because of this method, I realize the fear that comes from what we do not know, is sometimes less petrifying than that, which we do know.
Until I learned what I needed to learn, I did not understand the higher power intentions. All I know was that I was cruelly, brutally, sadistically tortured, and beaten. I started at the very top. From a place of complete love, complete power, complete freedom, and knowing it is all mine. Then only to have it all yank out from under me and I fell to the very bottom. At the bottom I started with nothing but fear to learn, and roadblocks at every turn to keep me imprisoned within those fears.
All the many fears and limitations that I learned along the way where challenges I was forced to overcome and survived. Thus, instead of hindering me, made me stronger and wiser. Fast-tracked me through life toughest lessons to understand higher wisdoms — in years…instead of lifetimes.
This method of learning made me realize how much I took myself for granted. I did not realize what being “strong” means until I realize how weak I have become. I did not know how to appreciate and acknowledge my strength before the lessons. But through the lessons I learned to not only intimately recognize and appreciate my strengths and weaknesses. But to also test and knows their limitations. To push myself to be stronger than I previously was. By learning the weaknesses, I did not previously know I have — then overcoming it. Thus, it strengthens and improved what I previously loss. While gaining the wisdom of why I am given what I am given. While also learning how to ground, and what my gift’s true purpose and use are for.
Due to this method of learning, any kind of pretentiousness. Any influence by my ego to rely on excuses to get away with lacking off on my lessons…is abandoned for practicality as I learn to survive what-is. For example: Ego was beaten out of me at an early age and humbleness was taught to take its place. While judgement is replaced with learned compassion and understanding. Pride and conceit are also replaced with complete acceptance and insightful confident — not arrogant.
Through this method of teaching, I am taught that my “gifts” are not entitlements, rewards, or a goal to be achieved due to ambition. They are not tools to be developed for personal gains. They are not a form of “power” to seek out and developed to use to satisfy or fulfill earthly whims and extravagant wants. They are not a commodity or a service that can be trade or bought. They are not weapons to sharpen, so that I can use it against those who have hurt me.
I am also not here to save the world, so I do not need the command of its limits. My gifts are not a cheat code through the school of life. They are not there to help me take short cuts or breeze through the tests that arises on my journey through life. They are only there as a reminder that one day when my educational journey here is done. I need to follow its’ memories home to where I belong.