ASR: B15: Chapter 3: The Battle To Be Decent…

Know, I let you stand by me as a friend and a companion. An equal. But our roles do not change just because I respect…and love you — enough to give you those privileges. If you cannot respect and love me…in return. To be mindful of your place as my beloved, as my friend, as my family, and as my companion. To be true to me, by being mindful of your weaknesses. To not let the temptations of your nature — rules your actions against me. As you remain my true friend. I will be yours. Cross the line, and I will put you in your place. My role is not just a title for show. So, remember that.

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Though for years, I have repeatedly been shown what I can do and the power I hold in my visions and “dreams”. I could not believe that it is true, because of the discrepancies between my visions and my physical reality. A reality where I am constantly being put into a position of vulnerabilities and powerlessness, no matter how hard I tried. Hence, though I accepted what I was shown, and known it to be true. I cannot believe in it. Cannot embrace it.

For years this inability to believe in my powers, blocked, and kept me from believing I can be, who I am shown I am to be. It is hard for me to believe the powerful person that I was shown in my visions and “dreams” — Can be the same helpless woman who was broken down by life so badly…that there are days where it is hard to get out of bed. Days where she thought, “What is the point of trying? When you are made to fail. What is the point of fighting? When none of your effort makes any differences?”

If I was lazy, weak, and cowardly. Hence, I gave up easily. I could understand that I only have myself to blame for the position I am in…because I choose to be so. If I was careless, thoughtless, and ignorant. Thus, made careless mistakes that put me in unfortunate situations. I could own the consequences of my actions and reactions. However, when you are sabotaged again and again by powerful forces beyond this world, and beyond anything you are taught to know.

When you have risked death…risk everything…and give it all you have got — knowing you are fighting unfair battles. Yet, you kept fighting because you want a chance for changes. And no matter how much knockdowns you take, you willed yourself back on your feet. You willed yourself to endure and tolerate the beating. Hoping that one day, your effort would mean something. That your chance is just around the corner, and not your wishful thinking.

But as I have said before, no matter how strong someone is. Everyone has a breaking point. When every molecule on you aches and hurt with every movement you make. When even the thought of another beating is overwhelming and unbearable to endure anymore. When this is the only “physical truth” you have known for so long. Can you really blame me for my doubts, for my disbelieve, and for my lack of trust in visions and “dreams” that is beyond my ability to touch?

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Hoping and being disappointed are the only thing I have ever known. Therefore, I learned to be “realistic”, “practical”, and accepting…of everything life throws my way. This is my way to stay in harmonious peace with life’s higher lessons. My way to cope and deal with things that are outside my control. I do not doubt, because I want to. I doubt because things have never turn out as I hoped. It has always turn out as I have experienced it…and then learned to know how it will be.

I have asked myself again and again. How can I completely believe? How can I completely trust? When I have always been shown by the events in my life, otherwise? My visions and “dreams” have limited comfort when I am overwhelmed by physical hurt and aches. So, why should I prioritized my spiritual knowledge…over what I have physically experienced and been taught? Therefore, even long after I have stepped onto my spiritual path. I was still unable to truly embrace it, due to my lack of believe. Due to my inability to understand and wrap my head around the idea that someone can be so powerful, yet so powerless at the same time.

Until I was shown again and again — Why, I choose to come here in the avatar I am currently in. In my visions and “dreams” my questions are clarified and answered by events, from multiple timelines. In those timelines:

When given a choice to choose an army to rule my kingdom. When given a choice to choose any weapons of any level of destructions. I choose the one that keep me vulnerable enough to be grounded to compassionate. To be able to stay sympathetic, empathetic, and insightful. Not because I do not have a choice. Not because I am powerless or is not powerful enough.

I was shown, why I choose the choice that intentionally allows me to be vulnerable. It is because I want to be mindful of my own imperfections…and aware of the consequences of my every actions. But strong enough to push my point and stand my ground and dominate — if I need to. Because let us be realistic. Some people need pain to learn. Some people just cannot be reasoned with by words or acts of kindness. For our inborn natures are challengers hard to completely defeat — when there are limitless possibilities and opportunities.

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In many of the timelines, I was hunted, chased, and cornered by fools. I did not understand why. Why with the power I was shown I have, that I would choose to run. Not until I came into the acceptance of who I am. Which is a “spiritual” being coming here to experience life in this realm. That the spiritual realm is as “real” as “real life”. That I was shown the reason why I choose to run.

I was shown, I choose to run: NOT because I do not have the power to hold off the fools who was chasing me. I was shown, I ran: NOT because I was afraid, I would be hurt by them. As I initially thought, from what I “saw” — partially, of the timelines. However, as I slowly step into the acceptance of who I am, my role, and my path. I was then, shown the “whole” pictures of those timelines.

In the “whole” pictures, I was shown the reasons why I ran. I ran because I was afraid. Afraid, I would abuse and take advantage of the power I hold…To bully those who just needed time to mature. Those who are still young making mistakes to learn and grow. To earn the wisdoms to ascend. Therefore, I choose to be vulnerable. To remind myself what it means to struggle with limitations, with vulnerabilities, and disabilities.

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I choose to “depower” myself so that I do not turn into another mindless bully. Someone who force others to bend to my will just because I can. Teaching others to live in fear. Stripping them of their personal power. Teaching them to accept the injustice done to them and allow themselves to be degraded — Just because I have the advantage of privileges they do not have.

Therefore, allow the cycle of suffering to live on and be passed along like a virus. I did not come to this world to be another destructive virus. I came to diagnose the problem. Not be one. Therefore, I must forget what it is like to be powerful. So, that I can authentically know what it means to be weak. Then, I must know what it is like to hold power, but have it easily stripped from me. This is so that I would remember what injustice feels like, so I would be mindful to not intentionally commit that crime.

In an avatar, like the human suit. With its nature being as it is. It is easy to forget when you are in powerful positions to discipline yourself to stay true, just, respectful, and compassionate of others. Easy to forget that you once journey similar path. Struggled and encountered similar blockages to achieve the level of refinement you have reach.

To me, it is not a crime to be young, innocent, naïve, and not know any better — if there is no choice given. If there is no effort made to teach us what we need to learn. It is not fair to indiscriminately overpower people who have little or no choices. Who was never taught to know better. Therefore, the brutal hardship of my physical life — is to ground me. Ground me to what it means to be a slave to our nature, and to the hardship of what it means to be “human” on a journey to maturity.

It also, ground me to the roots of the real struggle and sufferings of the people of this realm. So, that I can stay mindful and aware of my positions. Therefore, stay compassionate so I can empathize and sympathize where it is most needed (and know where it is not needed). To properly “assess” the roots of this world’s problems. To “test” if I can do what I am here to do. I was shown why I needed to suffer. Like the lotus flower growing out of the mud. I needed to be “submerged” in the “mud” to see if I am strong enough to thrive. To grow and be all I was intended to be.

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I was also shown, to really help the people of this realm. Having powerful abilities and being limitlessly benevolence is not enough. Being indiscriminately benevolent without the guide of higher wisdoms…To help us see clearly where the roots and source of the problems are. To address it directly — will do more harm than good. For human nature being as it is: You can give, give, and give…and it will never be enough for some people.

What more, I was shown, the roots of humanity’s problems are self-made. Therefore, it needs to be self-realized and self-own. Thus, it needs to be self-fix. Though, some external help is necessary, to check events. To teach awareness and mindfulness. To keep us from our early demise and extinction as we make mistakes to learn, grow, and mature.

It was made clear to me both in my “dreams” and in all the events of my physical life. That no external force or power can save someone from themselves. True power is not something we can give. It is earned. We can give people tools, teach them how to use those tools. Teach them skills to be efficient with its use.

But to earn and achieve the power they would need to use those tools to help themselves. They would have to go deep inside and make the effort to awaken their own strength. Tools can be useful or useless…depending on us. Our choice, our effort, our will, our decision, or our actions — to use or not to use the tools the way it is meant to be use.

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From the collections of those timelines, I realize I choose my path knowing that it is easy to be powerful — while holding power. But hard to be powerful — while holding nothing. Easy to be benevolent, kind, and generous — when you have abundances and lack for nothing. But hard to be so, when you are limited and must choose between your own comfort and someone’s else. There lie the true tests, to bring out your true heart and soul. Tests to see if you have really learned what you have been taught. Or earned the wisdoms and goals you have come here to achieve.

Also, to mindlessly spoil someone to rotten — by our choice of bypassing their flaws. Instead of doing right by them, by bringing awareness, and teaching them how to improve for themselves. Or by being aware of the consequences of our actions and reactions, that taught and influences them to be so. We are not doing them or ourselves any good, to choose the choice of not learning — nor teaching what we are here to do.

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A truly decent person is hard to be. That is why we are here to learn and be tested. Death is the EASY way out. Stopping and giving up is an easier choice than pushing forward, than keep LIVING. Living and surviving through the struggles and hardships to continue to learn and pass our trials — Is much harder than just letting go of principles and morals. Harder than letting go to indulge and make excuses. The battle to be decent is not one we can fight and win, in a day. It is one we must work hard at every day. Thus, do not expect to get an award for taking the easy way out — or for our excuses. For source, as our creator, is very aware of what we are capable of.

When humanity falls, it will NOT be by the hands of the Gods, our creator, aliens, demons, or a foreign force more powerful than us. But by our own nature and by our denial for the need to face and address it accordingly. We will be defeated by our own ego. Conquered by our own greed and consumed by our own selfishness. There is no opponent or enemy worse than the self that we should fear.

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Yes, we do need help. But not from any super or divine being. Humanity needs help from ourselves, and the only one that can save us…is ourselves. We have been shown that we have the power, the potential, the resources, and the opportunities to do so. The questions are: Why have we not done it yet?

Why have we been taught to disable our own power and wait for help? Wait for a savior. Jesus, Allah, and Buddha are clear examples that say “no ‘God’ can save us”. They came to be our “Gods” to give us tools. To self-empower us. To give us the abilities to save ourselves. But we choose to misuse, to twist, and to corrupt ourselves with it. Even their miraculous visits and real intentions are corrupted by us. Mis-taught for use by us, to gain at the expenses of others. We even bluntly torture and murder one of them…and think we “got away” with it.

They are the examples source use to illustrate to us that even the “All-Mighty-God” cannot unite humanity under one flag. There are just too many layers of intellect in this school. Too many levels of achievements. Too many diverse differences in perspectives. Too many mindless choices we can choose from…And too many forms of sufferings — To congregate under a single mundane level of wisdom.

Hence, we are not created to follow and be rule over by one ruler of this world — whether in physical or ideal form. We are placed here to learn and be taught higher wisdoms. To obtain more refine and enriched experiences to enhance our soul on its journey to greater growth and achievements. Thus, it is never the higher power intention for us to be enslaved by a being of this world — nor our phantastic ideal depiction of itself.

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Only by being mindful and aware of what we are capable of. Only by accepting our flaws, can we work on transforming it from a weakness to a strength. Only by learning to be forgiving, to be wise enough, to accept, and respectful of ourselves and each other. Can we then learn to be more generous toward those we encountered upon our road to ascension. Whether it is in attitude or in material needs — the ability to be wisely compassionate can lead to lessons in acceptance and respect of others reason for being here — To learns just as we are.

I now know I cannot help everyone, but I can offer to help those whom I encounter. It is their choice to accept or refuse. But at least an effort is made, and an offer is given. I also know I cannot tell others how to live their lives or what to believe in. But I can because of them, try to speak up and share what I have learned when the opportunity arises. It is up to them if they choose to listen or ignore. It does not matter to me what choices they choose; I have done my part.

Because I know the power to change this world is in all our hands. It is all our responsibilities. Not yours, nor mine…but ours. Together. I came here to be part of this world, to know, to assess, and to help — where you will allow me to. I have also come here to learn to be strong, aware, and wise enough, to stand by and give others the respectful space and time to learn on their own the lessons they need. Till my journey ends, I still have much to learn and much to unlearn. Changes and long taught bad habits cannot be untaught in a single day. Just as some wisdom cannot be learned in a single life.

As I journey this road to higher learning, I bow to apologize to those who I have and will encounter — for my continued mistakes along the paths I needed to take. For the examples that I will set to learn and to teach others by. I cannot make any promise and will not make any promises…other than the promise to try my best. To try a little harder each day for you and for myself. To be a better example of what I have learned and what I have been taught. I thank you sincerely for the lessons and companionship you have gifted me.