ASR: B7: Chapter 5: To Be Human It Is O.K. To Be Flawed
After my most recent “Kundalini” episode, through series of trials and lessons that forces me to remember who I am. I became aware again of the energy of life. Understand again why I feel the way I feel about the world I am living in. For a period, though I am confused and fought my spiritual connections because I forgot who I am.
But by natural instincts, I still feel and act as a spiritual being. For example, picking flower. For some reason I have always felt “wrong/upset” and have a strong aversion to mindlessly doing so. I could not understand why something this “insignificant” could warden such strong feelings of sadness inside me.
Until my recent cycle of “remembering/awakening.” I am not aware of the reason why I felt that way. Now, I remember the strong connection I once had with the world around me. The reason I feel such an aversion is because carelessly snapping the life out of the flower used to send a firecracker like “sound” to my soul. It hurts because I can feel the taking of that beautiful life. I am taught by the people of this world that a flower’s life means nothing, but to someone who can connect to it on a deeper level. It is still a life.
During this recent “remembering/awakening” episode. I am on a lot of “missions to kill” due to sudden breakout of “un-sanitize” and “disgusting” creatures at various places I am associated with. Working in health care I am conditioned, train, and taught to be extremely aware of health hazard due to lack to cleanliness and sanitization. Thus, I am disgusted by the idea of the infestation.
Therefore, I was on a lot of missions to annihilate anything that can “hurt” me, and those I love or care for. I thought killing those creatures would make me feel better. But instead, with every death I felt a strong pull upon something deeper within me. Yes, I still felt repulsed at the sight of those creatures. But with every corps I saw — something deeper within me is deeply hurt and disgusted by my action.
But I ignored it because I am taught that I should not overthink so much. Especially, about something so “insignificant” as the life of a flower. Or roach that is in my way. Or a bedbug that is feeding off those I love. Then I had a dream that made me remember looking into the eyes of a mouse stuck in a trap, and the pain I felt as I crushes the roaches of its life.
I remember feeling the pain and touching the souls hidden inside them. It felt no different from that of another human being. But I ignored it because I am taught that their souls have no value in compared to my comfort. I did not associate and knowledge them respectfully as living beings’ worth value just because I am taught, they are beneath me in the hierarchy of life.
The dreams magnifies my previous experiences and made me realize how ignorant I am to judge something not based on its individual character or actions. But on how I am taught to perceive it stereotypically and discriminatively. Those living creatures are tiny, yet they work so hard to live the life they are given in this overwhelmingly gigantic world. They are tiny creatures who does not eat a lot nor takes up too much room and tries to stay out of our ways. Yet, we bully them and made them into something much more horrific than they really are — just because we can.
We are thieves of their homes and way of life. Then we made the victims into villains and call ourselves heroes and made our ourselves superiors to them. We think nothing of the wrong we did and justified our actions with twisted logic, because we can arrogantly believe we are wiser and smarter — but are we really?
We do this not only to “insignificant” creatures that share this planet with us — But to each other as well. In the past, we used to conquer lands and people by bullying them with brute forces. Today, we bully others with words and savagely “polite” social etiquette, and by flaunting our material accumulations. After thousands of years of existent, after being retaught and reborn over, and over again. It is terribly sad that all some of us has learn is to find different creative ways to continue to make the same mistakes without getting caught — Or at least, hope we would not be caught.
But I am here to tell you, the higher power knows this. We are caught, but it is waiting for us to realize our errors and change our way. Giving us another chance. It has sent signs to tell us that it is aware of what we are doing and waiting — Patiently for us to recognize it and change our ways. So that we can help ourselves — before It takes necessary actions to force our acknowledgement and awareness.
Also, let me make it CLEAR. Currently — I. AM. HUMAN. Just like you. And like you, I am humanized — Thus, I have human flaws and tendencies. And have made countless mistakes to learn my lessons and earn my wisdom. Thus, if people want dirt on me, they will find it without even having to dig very deep. There are plenty for them to find and plenty for them to twist out of proportion to make me into the monster they want me to be.
I am also sure that if their people skills are good; they can make the whole world hate the monster they make me out to be. But know — those monsters are created from much worst creature than themselves. The monsters behind the real monsters are the ones that we should fear most — for they are the one that do not even know they are so. Thus, fools many to let their guard down and allow massacre to be possible.
Like in the name of religions of the world, in the course of our history to present day. How many innocents have been killed because of their twisted perspective, beliefs, and “logic”? Because I am not raise in a convent nor isolated in the middle of nowhere in the mountains — I am as “human” as you are. Thus, I am as familiar with the monster that lives inside myself as you do with yours — or more so, due to my strong connection to the spiritual realm. Throughout my journey, I have fought ruthless battles with myself since I am two and awaken into this world.
Before I am four I have fought battles both externally, internally, and other worldly you cannot even imagine. I know NEEDS. I know DESPERATION. I know LUST. I know DESIRE. I know EGO. I know TEMPTATIONS. I know PAIN. I know DARKNESS — in forms you cannot even describe. I have been CONSUMED by my own weaknesses before I even know I have strength. Consumed to the point where for a large chunk of my life, though I learned to fear NOTHING — Not even a higher power. Yet, I am afraid of MYSELF.
So, do not tell me, I am naiveté and do not know your inner conflict, pain, struggle, and suffering because I know it all too well. And because I KNOW it, I also know the difference between giving up, indulging, cowardliness, and plain simple pathetic. I can define it because I have been it all, thus I can differentiate it. I am here now because I have fought HARD for who I am. I too; experienced some extremes of the things many people have in one form or another, guilty of indulging too often in things I KNOW better not too. But in the end, I choose to fight to be a decent person. To not sacrifice my eternal soul for a mere transient number of years of this existence.
We are not created to be pathetic! We are created with almost unlimited potential to exceed, evolve, and ascend. We are not always given what we want, but always given what we need. When you look at others, you only see what you want; to see what you need, you must look inside. We are here in a world of almost unlimited possibilities to examine our higher-self and determine if we are fit for the gift of higher wisdom and to ascend farther.
To be human it is O.K. to have flaws. O.K. to accept we have flaws. But not O.K. to use the entitlements to have flaws — As a point of pride to stubbornly continue to embrace and indulge in those flaws. Never to learn, to grow, nor to ascend from those entitlements. Being “entitled” to having flaws does not mean we should allow those entitlements to cripple us to stupidity.
Being Human is not meant to be perfect. But I personally do not think it is O.K. to allow pride and ego to arrogantly blind us, to lessons in life that can help us learn to humbly be a better person than the one we could be — The one we choose to be. Flaws are character building blocks, not meant to be chains in a prison.
True power of character comes from knowing how to balance. Knowing when to discipline your known weaknesses to make it a strength. There is no power in stubbornly holding on to our flaws and fighting blindly for things we do not understand. Or, is beyond our reaches, just to prove our rights to entitlements that does not suit us. Or would lead to crippling and disabling us from bettering ourselves.
Why would we want to continue holding onto flaws, and have so much pride in its possession, when we can let it go and achieve something else much greater? Or make it no longer a flaw and weakness but a strength that we can use to better ourselves? When the concepts of prestige and privilege of entitlements blinded us with ego and pride — to prance around, proudly — Flaunting the fact that we are too shallowly stubborn to let go of our own shortcoming to rise beyond ourselves. When we teach others to be irresponsibly prideful like us and makes persistence excuses for ourselves and those that are like us. When we use blind rationalization to continue to be ignorant to higher wisdom. How can we be allowed to ascend?
Normal people like us can afford to have a little extra flaw to allow us to make up excuses, to get away with owning our mistakes and being irresponsible. But we as normal being, cannot afford for someone in higher status like that of a God, ruler, leader, and government — To be so undisciplined and unaware of their own nature and its flaws. Because a stupid Human can be shallow, selfish, and only have himself (and maybe a few close family or friends) who is directly affected, when he acts irresponsibly. But a GOD. A king. A leader. A government who is full of unrealized flaws….is the result of most of our tragic history.
Because we gave them the power to make waves and causes a storm. They also become initiator of the future causes of the pandemics, disasters, and tragic future events — that await for us. Thus, I would hope normal people like us; would stop making it acceptable and easy for people like them to continue to be who they are. We entrusted them with the power to destroy us, but ignored their flaws instead of addressing it. Hence, it will be us who suffer for their shortcomings. Us the humble average person who just want to make end meets and live life to the best of our abilities.
Therefore, it is our responsibilities to be self-aware, informed, and educated to know whom we choose to entrust our power to. It is also our responsibilities to take back the ownership of that power we give out. To protect ourselves if the people we entrust that power too fails to act their role.
As we age, the realms will collide. The spiritual world will open into this one, and we need to learn the lessons we are being taught or we will fail the final exams. But we cannot learn those lessons when we are too busy making weak excuses to cover our own personal weaknesses. Doing so, we end up fighting ourselves instead of fighting the real sources that is damaging us. More “lower” entities have enter our world to influences and taken us over in so many ways to test us. Yet, we are ignorant to this invisible invasion. Thus, we are fighting ourselves and each other, in a battle where we have lost, before we even know who we needed to fight.
Side Note: This book is drafted over a “lifetime”, written 10 years ago, and refined over the last 10 years as I begin to “remember” who I am. I know the last paragraph of this chapter make me sound “delusional”. Even when I was writing it, I felt this is how I would be viewed. I have tried deleting it and editing it out over the years.
Even now, in the final proofreading before posting, I want to remove it. But every time I tried; events unfolded to confirms it must stay as the message it is. Even with all those events, big and small, I still wanted to remove it. But my “dreams” in recent years and Covid — confirms it must stay, despite how I feel about the message. Despite, how I feel about the book and publishing it.
When I say “fight” it does not mean we are actually fighting an external force or “evil.” The quote I give from one of my dreams in earlier chapters (books):
“Good and evil exist in each of us. We are all evil. We are all good. It is who. We. Are. But how we conduct ourselves is what matters. We are capable of both, but I choose to be none.” As I have taught those in the other timelines and realms. Good and evil is never the test subjects — we are. They came into our world to be the light we need and teachers we are being taught by, to help us pass our exams.
In this new grid, unlike the old, most of our teachers will not be physical. We are developing our dimensional self and exploring the other half of us — that is always there, but not seen or understood. Hence, do not expect our problems to be identifiable and solve by traditionally taught procedures and method. Do not expect to approach it the same way we have been doing to get real result. As we evolve, so too should our method and approach.
Remember: Being a decent person is something you must work hard at every day — not just some days.