ASR: B9: Chapter 3: Destiny Leaves No Choice, And Yet A Choice.
Unlike some people, this path I am on; is not a path my physical self, choose to take. But a path I have learned by now, after many unsuccessful battles of clashing wills with the higher power and my higher self. Overcoming many trials and fatiguing all my options that I concluded: I must take. I know I am not supposed to feel a certain way, but I want to feel it. I know I am not supposed to be ignorant, but sometimes knowledge and wisdom can be too heavy a burden. And I long to experience what everyone else around me experience: the freedom of ignorant. (Side Note: Not anymore, but I used to.)
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Considering my current revelations, I am no longer terrified of who I am or who I will become. No longer desperately wanting to escape from the knowledge of what I know will come to be. Though, I have accepted my position. I am still having problem with the how to believe in it. I am not Superman; I cannot shoot laser out of my eyes or lift a car over my head to prove that my reality is “real”. In this physical realm: I need physical facts and physical evidence.
But how do I get that? Then, how do I believe in it when I do? In a world based upon believes to make its “reality” what it is; what can I trust as facts and evidence? In a world where lies and illusions are easier and more acceptable than the truth — why should I seek truths? Why should I ask other to seek for the truth and have them suffer the journey as I have?
How can I prove to them that my “version” of what life is really all about is the “better” path? Especially, when there is so many “obvious evidence” that showcase our differences in choice? Choices that result in so many aspects about my life that people look at in fear. Look at and tell themselves, that their current choices are much better due to their physical positions. That confirms to their ego that it does not pay off to be mindful, to be aware, and to be decent.
Because I live in complete “lack”, while they live a life full of abundances with the privilege to see more and want more. With the privilege of taking advantages of systems that allows them to see it is better, in every way, to not live life the “honest way.” To be mindless because their physical successful achievements speak in obvious louder “truths,” than the subtle confusing signs from the realm beyond. How can formless wisdoms compete with such obvious solid “evidence”?
In a world where people live life unaware of their true higher purpose for being created. How am I to accomplish my higher missions in showing others, otherwise? Especially, while they see me as confirmations to all that is “wrong with the world”? It is inspirational for a Prince to step down from his position of power and privilege, to learn suffering and to ascend as a “God”. In a world that amplifies the values of superficial form of powers. Respects is automatically given and taught to be “entitlements” of those in perceived “higher” positions. Giving them the foundation power to be influential in any form they choose to then “branch out”.
But what happens when a King comes down incognito as a beggar, trying to inspire and teach those already in “powerful” positions otherwise? The answers are in two very well-known examples that depict the results and differences of what was taught and what was misperceived. But for now, I need to explain how I come into my insights. To help those who choose to read this record to realize, that I am not some delusional fanatics who can mindlessly be control by my own ego and taught whatever someone chooses for me to believe in.
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Sometimes I wonder if my hesitation in accepting who I am and stepping into my power, to BE all that I can be. Is stemmed from a part of me that is being selfish and — even greedy. A part of me that does not want to give up my attachments to humanity for all the possibilities that life has to offer. Every sound, every sight, every taste, every breath and every touch — are savored and cherished. Yet, there is still so much more possibilities!!
Even with all the hardship in my life. Even when I did not know what my higher mission or purpose is. Or why my life is so “horrible” in compared to everyone around me. I still — want to hang on. There is so much to learn, so much to experience, and so much to savor about life in the physical realm that I do not want to give it up.
There is so much beauty, wonder, and magic in this world. I cannot understand why so many people want to be elsewhere. Want to escape life. Escape to worlds they believe exist after deaths because life is “not good enough”. Let me blunt: The wonders we fantasize and dreams about either through our imagination, books, movies, or the metaverse. (A virtual universe that all the high-tech enthusiasts are trying to develop so they can get inside our head, heart, and soul. All so they can control our life and conscious will even more — to gain for themselves through our ignorance and mindless desires.) Will be nothing in compared to what we are already given in life.
Think about it. The current form we are in to experience what we experience and need to learn — is such a privilege. It is such a gift to be made so exquisite. Why would you want to part with it so easily? When we consciously choose to give it up and take the easy way out of living the life we are given. All we are doing is showing source, we learned nothing we are put here to learn. Not even the sense to be grateful, therefore why should we be given more?
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Of course, no matter what I or anyone else say. It is human habit to let our enthusiasm and optimism blinds us to consequences of choices we make — until it is close to too late to try to pull ourselves back. Our curiosity, need for challenges, and achievements — will always makes us a slave to our ego. And our ego will always take mindless risks, thinking it is invincible and too “smart” to be played like fools. But fools we are proven to be time and time again throughout our history.
This fact is made so apparent in this age of advance technology. When we are easily manipulated and directed by social media to think whatever program, its owner writes to consume and direct our thoughts and actions. Our egos make us fools to the marketers and influencers, who knows how to take advantage of its mindlessness to gain at our expenses. Maybe the best example to help articulate this point is the idea of luxurious brands.
Ever since I am young, I have witnessed the “craze” and obsession that certain brands mean to some people. Till this day, I never understand why it means so much to some people to be able to own certain brands. Some of the smartest, grounded, and most intelligent people I have ever known. Cannot seem to avoid this trap either. Reduced to making mindless excuses to justify for themselves, when their true intention for must having those brands are questioned.
Because I genuinely want to understand. So, over the years I have asked many people what the appeal to them about certain brands are? None could give me an answer I understand. Like I said, I know some very grounded, very smart, and intelligent people. But each person I asked, “Why do you have to have this luxurious brand?” All their reply is the same, “Because I like it.” When I asked, what do they like about it. They insist on the “quality” or “how it looks.”
No matter how I asked, those are their only replies. Even the people who declare that they are not superficial or material — desires to have at least one. I have asked those people and they give me the same answers. “I must have at least one/it is good to have at least one”, so I asked again — Why? I even pointed out that there are many styles that could be bought that are much nicer, have just as good a quality. Even some counterfeits, are made to be almost at par or the same with tiny differences that cannot be detected. It would cost them 1/5–1/3 the price to have an identical. Yet, why do they need to have that brand? Bought at that cost to make them feel good about owning it. They cannot answer me further than “I like the way it looks. I like the quality. I just like it.”
Again, that does not make sense to me. There are so many alternatives to wearing a $5000 bag and constantly worrying about its conditions. Then, beating yourself up over it even at the slightly scratch. Or wanting to own a $1000 scarf, $100 000 watch, or a $1000 pair of shoes that they can only walk in it for 5 minutes! After 5 minutes they need to remove it or change shoe with someone else. It does not make any sense to me to spend a $1000 on pair of shoes that they cannot even sit with it on their feet.
What also confused me more — is some of those people then ask complaining questions of the higher power about life. Asking why their life cannot be easier? Why must they work so hard and how life is so unfair to them? That they do not get to spend more times with those they love. They declare they work too hard and look to others with envy at the ease of achievements they see. Then telling each other, a bunch of self-declarations about themselves. Being more sensible than “those people” who are “too much” or “crazy” for wanting or needing more than one.
I honestly and genuinely am confused, as to the reason why they even think they NEEDED “at least one” in the first place. Growing up I never can understand the whole “prestige” image through a title, brand, and an object from this world. How a word from a concept can causes “crazes” and obsessions. How someone could think they can come off being an “image of greatness” by being worn as accessories to an object and become submissive to a word. How some people can take so much pride and pleasure in being reduced to nothing but a “display showcase”. A showcase for an object they work so hard to earn and sacrifices so much for.
To gloriously survive all the lessons and hardship of life, only to choose to willingly come second in values to an object and someone else’s name. It makes no sense to me that we are created to be equal. Yet, we allow others to tell us we are less than them. Behaved in ways that conform our submission to their ideology through our addictions. Confirmed by the fact that we are willing to overpay. Willing to go out of our ways to become nothing but living display cases for the things they created. Created to rub in our faces and take advantages of our lack of self-awareness to use those weaknesses against us.
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It confuses me a lot growing up that the concept of giving our power away and becoming slaves — are O.K. with a lot of us here in this realm. How can we hate ourselves so much? When we are created from such pure love. How can we think it is O.K. to bow in submission — to someone else’s ideology, by letting ourselves be defined by them? We do nothing but define ourselves as not equal to them when we wear their names — proudly. While ours are forgotten and lost in the shadow, as we light and celebrate their “success”. Why are we O.K. with taking the “hit” so they can “gain”?
The obvious concepts of “prestige ruling class” getting to wear luxuries, should wear luxuries, while others wear rags. Getting to eat 100 courses meals while their subjects starve on the street to provide it. That the “ruling” families of this realm, must be allowed to live wastefully and luxuriously. Because we choose to be O.K. with elevating them to be above us and lowering ourselves to be beneath them. By proclaiming their “entitlements” and by us choosing — just to mindlessly accepting it. We gave away all the powers that source gave us, not even being aware of why we do it.
No wonder life is full of suffering and so many want to “escape” it. The arrangements we choose to allow others to mindlessly get us to accept and to sign-up for. Empowers them, defining them as our “superior” — while disabling ourselves to be “peasants” to their “superiority” declarations. The glaring obvious imbalance and unfairness is mind-blowing hundreds of years before. But till this day the traditional programming still could affect and enslave some of us — as is so apparent in our desire for brands to allow such contracts to continue.
Do you see from this example how our egos make even the most intelligent of us — fools? Slave to its nature? And completely vulnerable to be easily taken advantages of and brainwashed? We can be sold a concept at any cost — if it appeals to our ego. Some people even choose to be homeless and starve so they can afford to own a piece of this concept. This characteristic about our human behavior can easily be spotted by simple observations of our habits. Or by a few simple surveys. That tells them how to manipulate us to mindlessly sell our soul. Yet, we are so eager to mindlessly continue to be so unaware and choose to take no actions against it.
Now imagine what will happen to our race as a whole and this planet. If everyone mindlessly allows the egoistic opportunists. Or irresponsible enthusiasts to access our deep conscious through our desire to experience a fantasy. Is that not like giving someone the key to damning us and imprisoning us? I know many people would be telling me this, “You are overthinking.” I have people telling me that all the time and still do today.
Have had people calling me “crazy” because I raise questions they choose to not address. But am I? Am I “overthinking/crazy” or am I just mindful and forward-thinking? Wise enough to be practical, realistic, and intelligent enough to recognize my weaknesses to be aware of it. So, that I am not made just another mindless fool to be taken advantage off?
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Side Note: Please know, I am truly not judging others for their preferences. I am using the examples of luxurious brands to articulate a point of perspective. To show how easily we allow ourselves to be dictated and fooled by our ego, into making up excuses to allow ourselves to be fools. Or to continue to fool ourselves into behaving and acting in detriments cycles that are hard for us to break or even realize we are in.
I questioned if I should even add such examples in my recording. Because I know how offended some people can get, when you bring awareness to their egos. It causes a lot of irritations to the ego to be called and question on its’ true intentions. In the past I know my innocent inquiry out of pure curiosity always led to offending people. Offend them to the point where they tell me I am “weird”, “crazy”, or act like I must be dumb — To not understand such a basic “logic” and such basic answers they gave me. Hence, I hesitated when adding such examples. However, when suddenly the universe makes everyone I know, and brings total strangers to me. Behaving in certain ways that keep bringing up the same topic. I cannot avoid writing my experiences about it.
However, even after writing about my experiences, I still hesitated. Thus, in respond to my doubts and hesitation in knowing it is what I am supposed to do. I was given a direct message to go with those examples. The message being “To serve/save a soul, we need to understand it.” To understand it, we need to investigate the roots of its problems and illuminate it.
Recently, I was accidently privileged to come across the filming of a famous show. At the show I sat next to a man who cannot seem to stop talking about how he needs to check his stocks. How he does not want to be there, because his phone die and he cannot check. That he made millions from it and how he does not have time to “sit around” watching a show.
How his wife is a doctor, and they have lots of money. So, he told her she does not have to work if she chooses not to. How he hoped, she and her college does not win the selection round and move on, so he can be home checking his stocks. I told him, “So what if you have millions. If you cannot stop to enjoy a simple show without worrying, or seeing how your stock is doing?” I tried to convince him to support his wife because it is a brave thing to be on a show expressing yourself.
Until I was “gut-punch” and wanted to physically throw up. When his wife and her group came on. A group of 70 female doctors. Came on, not to show any special talent or to give any true meaningful messages to the world as they obviously claim. But to show off how “great” they are to be successful “doctors”. How “heroic” they are to come together to sing during a pandemic, and to get on a show so they can stroke their ego even more.
Seventy doctors, at least one doctor I know for sure have a list of 4000 patients. Do the calculation. How many of those that needed to be cared for — are not cared for every Mondays, when they all practice? Or the few days they took off to prepare and auditions. Also, if they move on. Times that by all the days they would need to take off to prepare to continue to compete.
What are they competing for? Why do they feel a need to complete? They obviously do not need money or recognition. The WORLD already knows they are “heroes” and how successful they are because of their title alone. Especially even more so, in recent years due to the Covid pandemic. Yet, why do they need to compete on a show the judge had asked. Their soul answers were a “gut-punch” to me in the audience who can “hear” and “see” clearly what they are truly doing. Even the physical answers sound lame and short of their true intention. Yet, they were allowed to pass simply because of the idea of them. Simply because of the concept they are supposed to stand for.
At first, I thought my “gut-punch”, was just my own ego being “judgmental”. That I am not feeling physically sick because I know the truth. Also, that there is higher forces at work trying to encourage me to trust in my power and abilities to do what I am put here to do. To stop me from hesitating, because I did not feel I have the confident to accept who I really am. Nor qualify to say what I know I must say. From others’ perspectives because of what is glaringly obvious. If I can choose between being them and myself. I would choose being them too! (In the past.) Hence, what right do I have to be so sure?
Even after knowing all, I know. Even till today I often self-check my ego, and wondered what “proof” do I have to be all I am here to be? To think that I can “illuminate” the world as I am told that is my mission and purpose to be here. When currently everyone in my life who can obviously see my situations. See it as something they want to avoid. Something they fear will happen to them too, if they choose the choices I choose (which is to live honestly, mindfully, and try to be just “decent”).
Therefore, what “rights” do I have to try to convince people who have much more — that they do not need more, than what they already have? What “rights” do I have to talk as if I am their “equal”? That I know what I am talking about when they can “see” from our obvious differences in situations and “status” that I am a true example of this world’s definition of “failure”. (Please do not worry, I am not low on self-esteem. I am trying to be object and see from the perspectives of those around me.)
I have nothing but a few “dreams”, a “lifetime” of strange experiences, a few visions, and a deep knowing (that I have accept but cannot yet be convinced 100% that it is all true. Maybe, if I spontaneously start to fly. Then, I will reach 100% sureness, 😉 otherwise, I feel as a human, even a “spiritual” one. We should always try to stay grounded and balance by being practical and realistic of our experiences). It is nice to “dreams” of worlds beyond this one. Of “lives” and timelines beyond this one, that shows I am more than just a lost soul seeking to find my way around this realm.
However, no matter what my extraordinaries experiences are. I am now a temporary citizen of this realm. Hence, has the weaknesses of its citizens. Therefore, I need to be mindful to be on the lookout for it. I also need to respect and learn the strengths of the people of this realm to ground and balance myself. So, like others I will need more than just untouchable experiences, “coincidences”, and circumstantial situations to be sure. It is good to believe. But believe blindly without questioning and investigating any discrepancies, can lead to loosing ourselves within our ego. Causing us to lose balance and allow our ego to take over too much. Hence, risk us becoming just another fanatic of the “spiritual” movements.
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Like I said, I thought it was my ego being “judgmental”. Therefore, I was surprised through the standing applause and loud cheers, to see the look on the stranger sitting on the other side of me. I saw the look on the stranger’s face and wanted to ask him in hope that I was “wrong” to “see” and know what I know. Before I even ask him what he thinks. He was shaking his head repeatedly and said to himself. “There is nothing special about this act. It is wrong. It is so wrong. They should not win.” Like me, he saw clearly this act is nothing but a show of “power and privilege”.
Of human habitual behaviors. Of how we allow our ego to control our behaviors and actions. I did not need my special gifts to know the moment I saw 70 doctors in scrub came on stage — that there will be an “obvious pass” no matter what they choose to perform. But I hope I was “wrong”. Even after I got the “gut-punch” as soon as they declare themselves to be “doing this to send a message of self-care.” Why? Because if it is true as they declared. The voices of their collective souls would not be “shouting an S.O.S” at me. Knocking the winds out of me and makes me physically ills by its cries.
(I work in healthcare too. I have nothing against self-care. I KNOW how important that is. I also have good work ethics, so there are times I forget to take care of myself. Time where I burnt myself down due to the overwhelming duties and responsibilities I feel toward my physical and spiritual positions in this realm. I have friends who are also in the field as well and am in constantly contact with healthcare workers of all levels. Therefore, I can tell you NOT all healthcare workers are in their positions because they have big hearts and pure souls.)
If it is as they physically declared. They would be performing for their community not to the world. Not on a stage where people seek to get recognition and notice. Not on a stage where those who tries so hard to have a chance at a better life. To show the world and inspire the world, that anyone. Even a “no body” can rise with courage to take that chance to make a different against the overwhelming odds set against them. Set against them, by society and old templates that tells them they are “not good” enough. Just because they did not get the same opportunities, as those who has too many.
If it was five doctors performing this act to represent 70, and the population of the rest of world healthcare workers. Or if they video call in to perform this act. Or not just be exclusive to “doctors”, the top tier of the hierarchy, to be part of their groups. Or if I had heard the voice of an angel within that group, I would not be caught off guard by the “gut-punched”. Especially, since I have been “lucky” to be available, at the right time and place, to see three back-to-back shows. And have been pleasantly surprised to hear the true voices of real angels.
They sing to my soul, their voice literally set my soul FREE. Illuminated the air of the theatre with the joy of their presences. So, to receive a “gut-punch” strong enough to make me physically want to throw up; even knowing logically how predictable human behaviors are. Hence, how things are going to work out. I cannot deny that in that moment I am being “spoken” to by source. That I was brought to this event not by accident or chances. That those few days and all that happens, including this show, are source trying to teach me to understand my abilities.
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Those examples show how dangerous our ego can be and how unaware we are of its effects. We have also recently seen how dangerous social media can be. Yet, here are — blindly taking another step, mindlessly forward. Hence, I humbly and genuinely means no disrespect when I say this: For such an intelligent race. Why do we keep making this mistake of allowing ourselves to be made into fools like this? Of course, I understand we are a young race trying to learn. Hence, some people will prefer to learn the hard ways. Therefore, it will take a few hundreds of years of exploring our “potential” in this field of new discovery call the “metaverse” before we even slow down. There will also be a big “reset” to “cleanse” those who does not want to be here, before we realize what is happening and start doing what we are supposed to do. Except, by then some of us are beyond saving.
I never could understand why the people of this realm think this world is inferior to others. Why so many people prefer to destroy instead of preserves it. If we cannot appreciate, cherish, and respect the power and beauty of this realm. How can we be allowed to ascend to other realms? Would we not just end up destroying it as we are doing here now?
Would it not just turn into another mindless “conquest” that we have achieved? Achieved, only to destroy?
Side Note: A hint. The distance, distance — FAR distance “future” is not a world made of metal.
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After knowing my role, but not understanding it. I started to resent it. Until I begin to remember who I am. I did wonder sometimes if the higher reason why my life is designed so exhaustingly excruciating — Is so that it will encourage me to break away from my greed for more of this existence. Break away from my desire for more attachments that will keep me here at the end of my journey.
For the first time since “waking up” to this realm, the disorientation and confusion of “being foreign” is now tolerable. I now finally feel somewhat “free” and no longer care that “I cannot be human” enough. I used to hate myself for my inability to: “be normal”, “be like everyone else,” and “be human”. I did not understand why I am born into this world like everyone else — and yet, I cannot seem to “fit in” anywhere. I do not feel like others, I do not act and react like others, and I cannot do what others do.
I did not understand this person that I was taught I should be nor the person I know I am. Thus, I feel this “state” I am currently in of accepting myself and O.K. with being me — Is like having a “dream come true”. Finally, achieving the goal I have seek to accomplish all my life. But now that the goal is within my reach; I feel it is no longer my right to take it. For I am not the same person, I am now, that I was then. Now that goal seem like such a distance dream.
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Mortality is meant to be limited. I sincerely am, grateful for the life I have. For the path I am on. The path I am destined to walk and deeds I am destined to achieve. But at the same time — dictated by human nature — I am greedy and selfish. So, it is hard not wondering “What if…I can choose…”, “what if I am free from my obligations, responsibilities…” As someone who can see far and know the outcomes of choices. It is HARD to let go of the bittersweet taste of dreams within reach. HARD to let go of the freedom you always hope you could have — and were taught, that you cannot.
Destiny leaves me with no choice, and yet a choice. One choice: To do — or, to do. There are no other options. Because I can see all the outcomes. Because I know all the steps to achieve its results. Because I can make it all happen. But destined with only one choice. Engraved and craved into every atom of my existence — are wisdoms and acceptances that make that choice the only path that is available to me.
It does not matter how many paths I can see lies before me. Wisdom taught if something is not mine to take, not mine to have, not mine to want — it will never be mine. In a destiny based on needs — my physical wills are insignificant. Thus, destiny is a bittersweet afore taste. It is a gift of both pleasure and pain. Wisdom makes it endurable, and acceptance makes it miraculously and astonishing — the only path to be taken (if peace and true freedom are ever to be achieved).
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Without my preordained destiny, there are many paths I can take. Without the “knowing” I can be ignorant to what lies ahead. Thus, choices made, and outcomes achieved cannot leave bittersweet afore taste. Without being able to “see”; without being able to “know”; without the ability to make-happen — There are no afore bittersweet taste.
But destined to stand at both the beginning and end at the same time: Between afore-bittersweet-taste and the after-bitter-regrets — I choice the choice that is mine. For I am gifted with abilities and wisdom to bear that burden. To accept that none of those outcomes are mine by right to reach for.
